I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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