Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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