i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
