I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
