I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
