I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
