I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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