I wanna bring you to show and tell
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
