if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
