I didn't shave. On purpose
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
