I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
