I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
