Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize