pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
