Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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