he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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