Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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