My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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