you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
