i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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