woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
