What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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