You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
