I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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