Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
