Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize