Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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