those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im holly from the hills drunk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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