Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
this hospital has no fireball
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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