new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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