Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
