We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
