i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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