The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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