hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
