Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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