i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
