if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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