You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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