____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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