it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
