Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
