Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
