i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
