fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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