I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
