This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
