all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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