I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
