my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize