Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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