You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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