4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
