you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
