No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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