i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
