i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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