i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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