is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
