last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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