i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
