I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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